A Lifelong Passion for Learning and Sharing Knowledge
My name is Ales Pektor and I founded DivorceOptimist.com. From a young age, I’ve been passionate about acquiring and sharing know-how. I have a unique ability: when I read a book about divorce with children, I immediately see how the insights can be applied to specific cases, including my own. Not many people have this skill. I naturally spot connections others might miss (though, at times, I miss things that others see).
The person who helped me most during my own divorce was someone who had been through a similar journey. Their guidance inspired me, and I now offer the same kind of “guidance” to parents going through a divorce.
Me and Divorce with Children
Executive summary: My parents were divorced when I was a teenager, it was not easy at all. Yet it was a piece of cake compared to what I went through my own divorce later in my life. The separation process started in late 2014 and the hell broke out after we were officially separated in 2016. 2017 was a very challenging year when I almost lost connection due to parental alienation (yes, the term was in the official papers) with my child and from 2018 onwards things were getting better and better. What looked like a horror in 2016-2017 became a fairy tale just a couple of years later. I mean both parents play a vital role in the life of our children. During important events like proms we are one of the few divorced parents who are sitting with our children at one table.
Important notes: As relationships surrounding the divorce became more complicated, I often felt like I was being swept along by events. Even though I had a good lawyer and psychologist, I struggled to understand what was really happening around me and how to respond effectively.
I’m deeply grateful for the support I received from friends. Some of their advice was excellent, while some wasn’t quite as helpful—despite the good intentions. Unfortunately, not every friend is an expert in high-conflict divorces.
I have personal experience with how difficult it can be when a child starts losing contact with one of their parents, and I know what consequences this can have for everyone involved. This insight has made me aware of systemic shortcomings and opportunities to improve the support available to both parents and children.
Because my children were my absolute priority, I couldn’t imagine living without them or not seeing them grow up. I wanted to ensure the divorce had as little impact as possible on them and their relationship with me. I wanted to stay a fully engaged father.
A pivotal moment for me was meeting someone who had gone through an extremely tough divorce. A friend recommended him to me, and I’m still grateful for that. During a two-hour consultation, this person helped me understand what was happening. I realized I wasn’t the only one experiencing these kinds of challenges. He recommended books and authors who deeply explore divorce where children are involved.
I immediately bought the recommended books and started studying the topic, applying what I learned to my own situation. I began to understand what was happening and recognized the immense risks to my children and our relationship.
I realized where things could lead if I didn’t respond appropriately.
The Role of Chess in My Thinking
I used to play chess, and it helped me develop a mindset of separating emotions from reality, assessing situations clearly, and choosing strategies to achieve the best possible outcomes. Chess taught me to think ahead and plan not only for the immediate future but for the long term.
Thanks to examples from books, I began to see clearly where things could lead. I reassured myself that I wasn’t in the worst possible situation. I knew what I needed to prevent and what I needed to support. More and more, I started to understand the “rules of the game,” how my situation looked, what strategies I could use, and what outcomes to expect.
I learned when it was better to stay silent and when to face conflict head-on, no matter how unpleasant it might be at the moment.
Lifelong Learning
I educated myself wherever possible. Fortunately, I attended a seminar where I gained crucial information that helped me argue more effectively during negotiations with authorities.
My extensive experience training people also proved invaluable. For years, I coached managers and trained their teams mainly sales skills, including handling objections.
Education and Professional Experience
- Master’s Degree in International Trade, University of Economics in Prague: I enjoyed my minor: Psychology and Sociology in Business Management, completing it with a state exam. For me, it was the best specialization the university offered at the time.
- Adult Education: I have extensive experience in adult education. As a trainer in sales and communication skills, I worked for an international life insurance company for more than four years, accumulating over 1,000 days of training and coaching managers.
- Outward Bound Instructor: I have spent several hundred days leading courses focused on developing communication and teamwork skills in five different countries (and three languages). I guided clients (managers and students aged 10–20 from international schools) through activities outside their comfort zones (e.g., rock climbing, multi-day expeditions), helping them build psychological resilience and overcome obstacles.
- Global Affiliate Specialist: For over four years, I worked as a Senior Affiliate Specialist at Avast, one of the best companies founded in the Czech Republic. I managed the global affiliate program for the Avast and AVG brands, which involved extensive analytics, communication, negotiation, and strategic thinking. I also supervised interns and completed internal training focused on communication and leadership.
- Divorce and Parenting Skills: My divorce was an immense learning experience. I spent hundreds of hours acquiring information from books, seminars, and consultations. I became a more responsible and proactive man. Since the divorce, I have devoted thousands of additional hours to preparing to support other parents through their divorces. The court granted me custody of my children—a rare outcome, as fathers in the Czech Republic are awarded custody in only about 7% of cases, compared to over 70% for mothers. Yes, even in the Czech Republic, a father can be the primary caregiver.
Current Training
I am currently enrolled in a two-year program on self-discovery and individuation (2024–2026). This program focuses on mindfulness, emotions, relationships, and working with the unconscious through various therapeutic techniques.
The Present and the Future
I’ve managed the most challenging parts—I’m a vital part of my children’s lives, just as their mom is. For several months each year, I work as an Outward Bound instructor, helping students from international primary and secondary schools develop communication and teamwork skills.
One of my dreams is to return to Singapore, where I’ve previously been, and conduct training sessions on divorce with children. I believe that sharing knowledge and guiding parents worldwide can make a significant impact.
I am also writing a book about divorce with children and supporting mothers, fathers, and children before, during, and after divorce.