Studies say that 20 to 40% of children lose one of their parents after divorce.* And as far as I can tell, no country even tracks it.

Divorce Optimist exists so that no child has to lose a parent who loves them.

If you're afraid of losing contact with your child, you're not alone, and it's not hopeless. But my bigger goal is that no one has to face this at all, because the system stops pushing families into conflict, makes sound decisions grounded in solid evidence, and actually tracks the consequences of those decisions.

Every child deserves every safe parent and all safe relatives.

How I can help The true story behind a famous film

Every year, millions of children lose meaningful contact with one parent, often not because that parent is unsafe, but because the system has the wrong incentives. The aim is to change that, and to be there for the families caught in it right now.

Systemic change, worldwide

The main work is changing how custody systems treat the bond between a child and a parent, partnering with policymakers, researchers, organizations, and individuals across the globe.

Children's needs come first

A child's safety and real needs, not a pressured "wish," have to lead every decision. Respecting a manipulated child's "choice" isn't respect; it simply hands the child to whoever applies the most pressure.

Prevention before harm

Once a bond is already broken, very little can be undone. So the focus is prevention: acting before harm is done, not only when it is already under way.

Education & training

Helping companies support employees going through a separation or divorce, and schools support students whose parents are, so the people around a child can help, not harm.

Children's needs & safety

A child's needs are not the same as a child's wishes.

"Let children choose which parent to live with from the age of fifteen" sounds respectful. But it quietly starts a race: whoever influences the child first, gets the child. The one who pays the price is the child. It's like allowing smoking from fifteen: it doesn't make the child stronger, it just exposes them to whoever is best at working on them. And that is exactly what a custody system can be designed to prevent. A child's safety and real needs have to come first, long before any "choice."

This is also why we ask people not to share videos of children online, and why our own awareness videos are clearly marked as AI-generated.

The framework

In some zones, the system makes it practically impossible for safe parents to stay in their children's lives.

For a long time I thought I was failing. I was reasonable, I cooperated, I put the children first, and I kept losing ground. Then I understood: there are zones where the system itself makes it nearly impossible for a normal, reasonable parent to stay in their child's life. Not because they did anything wrong, but because of where they're standing.

I mapped it

Every place where a good parent gets quietly cornered, and every place where the bond can still be saved.

It can change

These broken zones can be fixed, ideally by choice. Because surely no one truly wants to damage the future of children, or of the calmer, less aggressive parent.

I call it the Custody Matrix. I'm sharing it piece by piece, so you can follow along as it takes shape.

The Real Catch Me If You Can

As a child, he was asked to choose between his mother and his father. So he ran.

That boy grew up to become the real story behind Catch Me If You Can. At sixteen he was taken to a courtroom and told to choose between his mother and his father. He couldn't. He ran, and never saw his father again. Decades later, Frank Abagnale shares that story here, with one clear message for every parent going through a separation.

“No child should ever be asked to choose between their mother and their father.”

“I hope people in the legal system, judges, lawyers, social workers, will learn from your book and totally understand how devastating to a child the divorce of their parents can be.”, Frank Abagnale

Read the interview

Photograph courtesy of Frank Abagnale.

The Story

A father of two who almost lost a child, and turned it around.

My parents divorced when I was a teenager. Years later my own divorce, in 2014 and finalized in 2016, turned into conflict, and by 2017 I had nearly lost contact with my child; "parental alienation" was written into the official papers. I had a good lawyer and a psychologist, and still I couldn't understand what was really happening. The turning point was meeting someone who had been through it, who helped me finally see the situation clearly. From 2018 the relationship slowly came back. What looked like a horror story became, a few years later, almost a fairy tale: today both parents sit at the same table at our children's milestones. Above all, I'm a father of two.

Where my experience comes from

1,000+

total training days delivered

5 countries

training delivered across five countries, in three languages

4 years

running a global program at a cybersecurity company, where I saw how incentives and digital footprints really shape behavior

Why change the system, not just raise awareness

My own know-how was enough to save my relationship with my children. But sometimes it isn't, because the system creates utterly perverse conditions, hidden behind nice-sounding words like "we honor the child's participation rights." It's exactly like in Catch Me If You Can, where forcing a child to choose was dressed up as respect for the child. That's why awareness alone isn't enough. I'd rather get the people inside the system to change it themselves, once they see what they're actually doing, than fight it one case at a time.

Work with me

The first country to modernize its custody system will gain a major advantage.

Less conflict, healthier children, relief for parents, and a model the world follows. This is where I want to direct my work: helping governments, policymakers, and institutions bring their custody systems up to date. If that's your world, let's talk.

Talk to me about your country's system

For companies, schools, and professionals: training and talks on how to protect the child and parent bond and support people going through a separation.

Bring a talk to your organization →

I keep a small number of one-to-one consultations open, mainly to keep the work grounded in real cases. If you're facing the loss of contact with your child and want to talk it through, reach out.

How consultations work →

Email mission@divorceoptimist.com

* 20 to 40% of children lose meaningful contact with one parent after divorce. Sources: Kelly (2007) 25 to 35%; US Census Bureau 27%; UK ONS 33%; Norway NIPH 20 to 25%; Warshak (2014) up to 40% in active alienation.